I didn't slap you in the face. TEQUILA slapped you with my hand...
JACOB AND UGLY BROKE UP
9 beers later and she still looks like Gary Busey.
He used his penis as a puppet and sang Rihanna's Hard..... so no, we will never see each other again.
We can't have sex anymore. The amount of money I've spent on meds and copays for UTIs is getting ridiculous
I know its been a few months but you must know you hve the 2nd biggest dick I've ever seen. 1st place went to a rapper so don't feel bad.
The cop and I then joined forces to get you up off the sidewalk.
Drunk on Tuesday. Double fisting. Mmmbop is playing. Only girl in the group. Life is complete.
Aww you are cute. With your penis. And failures.
she's a dental assistant. she can get nitrous. kinda looks like a sloppy bucket of fuck. time to take one for the team. NEED SHOTS STAT!!
Even though he had a fractured vertebrae, the sex was still phenomenal. Better than normal actually. I hope the vertabrae never heals.
I immediately retract my statement involving hylecopters being allowed to blow up sharks out of the water.... The idea if it is super incredible but ultimately it would be cruel and unessesary
someone stole all your weed so you told us you were planning each of our deaths
I did wake up to a random meat and cheese plate next to my bed, that was a thrill.
I put the child locks on after I put you in the car and you then screamed, "I am a Phoenix, you can't restrain me. I NEED TO FLY!"
Randomize
