Call meee
Ok, but just to warn you, I'm as drunk as a Kennedy right now...
I just found out that AAA will pick you up if you're drunk for free if you're a member. How did I not know about this?
I don't think you have the libido for two women at the same time
I think you underestimate the amount of time spent masturbating
He dumped me and I don't wanna fuck his best friend for revenge. Is this what maturity feels like?
You should get a handy in the street again, just to prove you've still got it.
Some girl, somewhere, is going to wake up with my face paint on her vagina
I just remembered you had me meet your law professor while I was wasted...how'd that go?
Honestly the war on drugs is dumb and you can just sleep in my bed which is mega comfortable anytime you want. There I said it
Just got discharged from the hospital after getting my finger stitched back together don't you dare say you had a worse night than me
I'd apply for another job, but "staring out windows crying" is not a hot qualification right now.
alicia just called me and talked to me in "the eternal language of the dinosaurs" and then kind of roared and gurgled. what kind of 4th of july are you guys having?
the boozy kind. is there any other?
I have visions of guys in cheetah costumes with suits over it pissing on a children how are you
Like will they card me for my own whiskey in shampoo bottles?
I mean it's up to you where you want to sleep but I'm telling you you're going to hear us have sex no matter what room you're in.
Fair enough
I woke up to a huge bag of McDonalds breakfast, a cup of coffe and Advil. The note read "yeah its a one night thing, but I felt bad so here you go. Thanks"
He just set a new unobtainable standard in one night stand etiquette.
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