so pretty much your parents know your seeing a girl on the side, let her come over and just dont say anything to your girlfriend?
Fell asleep in bio again. Sometimes i feel like college is just one really expensive nap.
aparently we are going to have sex infront of her friend. ill call you tomorrow
You high fived me for banging your sister but lock me outta house bc I ate your pumpkin pie? Priorities bro
I already apologized. And I got cum in my eye in return, I say your night beats mine...
it's like russian roulette but with a penis
3 girls crying in the bathroom at the bar. Its like a Christmas song
Normal vaginal pH: 3.8 to 4.5. Of course it tastes like a 9-volt. I could run a potato clock on that thing.
After he finished going down on me he came up from under the covers, threw his hands into the air and shouted "take that lesbians!" and finished with "and we have dicks!"
I gave him my yeast infection. HOW THE FUCK DOES THAT EVEN WORK?
I have found random beers stashed in my purse and microwave... Apparently I thought 2015 was gonna have a beer shortage
You ever feel like just rubbing your face in everything like a dog?
Would you think less of me if I were eating pizza on the toilet right now?
Dude. Craziest ride ever. I was convinced that the bus was an airplane. There were clouds when I looked out the window. I got really upset every time the bus turned because airplanes shouldn't turn.
She can't take shots?!? Literally if I could list that as a skill on a resume I would
Randomize
