i just drank a strangers drink off a toilet
Lady GaGa only went backwards in convincing me she's not a man at the VMAs.
We videoed ourselves having sex... I now know why I close my eyes during sex
I mistook a propane tank for a keg.
That's the last time we joust in Radio Flyer wagons after margarita night.
You are the sheppard guiding my vagina away from horrible decisions.
Life is so much better when you know you're gonna get laid soon.
I think I have vodka in my lungs
The first clue should've been that he literally had shit in his hair. How does that even happen?
Im in Ft Meyers right now looking right at an alligator. I have had a couple of beers and people are telling me not to feed him but Im gonna do it anyway.
Yea dude. I'm gonna be the life of the party. THIS BITCH GETS DRUNK BY HERSELF
THIS IS NO TIME FOR SHAME JOSH. JUST GOTTA GET IT IN. PURELY FOR LEVELING UP PURPOSES
His front door was open but I INSISTED on army crawling FOOT FIRST under the garage door. Then I peed the bed.
I've been sober for almost two weeks and it's been the worst two weeks ever. Even my mom told me I need to start drinking again.
I'm pretty sure I regained my virginity last night
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