Di me a solid and hit me with your car.
I got a lot accomplished today, and the day is still young! I built a fort, hot boxed a fort, had a tea party in a fort, and now realizing how high I am.
I passed out in the VIP room and she charged me for 17 songs until I woke up, theres a bouncer asking me for $700, fuck tequila
We were making out when she went into convulsions. At least now I know she's allergic to peanuts.
Curse you and your alcoholic milkshakes.
You're welcome.
My mom just called me to tell me that i dont have chlamydia. Awkward.
I say we go and bring jello shots with laxatives. 57% sure one of his toilets is broken
Literally everyone in the bar was absolutely hammered out of their minds. I swear I even saw the bartender swigging jd when he thought no one was looking. And there was me thinking Britain was the booziest nation in the world.
Welcome to America. You're gonna love it.
I missed rounds this morning...my senior resident hooked me up to and IV and made me stay in the clinic because he said I didn't look presentable enough to walk around the hospital
His last name was woodcox? That just screams I've got a great penis
Negotiating with my body. We're ok. Violent upheaval is not necessary.
I'm disgusted with myself. I feel like I need 10 boxes of Summer's Eve and a baptism.
She just called at a dance party, and you stopped mid puke to join. Another successful night.
Why are your pants in the freezer?
School supplies are right next to the margarita mix at target. Its a sign
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