A few issues tonight. 1) Drunk since 1pm. 2) At the bar at 4pm. 3) James brought his sister, who has enormous breasts, isnt shy about cleavage, obviously slutty, and makes me want to do things that would even have Atheists sending me to hell. However, she's wearing glitter, so all Im thinking about is Edward Cullen. Go ahead and rip up my Man Card.
how much land on farmville do you have now? i sold all my shit to make room i need more money... these animals need to know I'm running a business not a charity.
i stopped calling them hangovers and started calling mornings a long time ago.
You said that we had to leave the party together and proceeded to repeat the "ducks fly together" speech from The Mighty Ducks word for word. Soon the whole party was quite and started chanting quack..quack...quack..
Lucky for you, I found your phone.....Not so lucky for you, it was in the bottom of your vomit-filled trashcan.
Going to pass out with da shoes on. hugging wallstreet journal from tuesday. please check me for liveliness in the morning.
I just watched a guy pee from a second floor window onto the line of 100 people waiting to get in.
We just had to use a designated driver to get to night class.
Chances are I'll be there for your wedding. Camelbaks filled with jack and coke are appropriate attire, right?
A kind stripper put a blanket over me last night
Listen man this isn't about soccer. It's about America and day drinking... Your two favorite things now get your ass over here
We had to go to his parents last night for dinner & ended up having a quickie in the bathroom while everyone else was outside smoking.. This is why we have a successful marriage.
You can't call dibs on the bed... every time you party you KO in the bathtub
My one night stand said I love you, opened my fridge, stole my cream cheese and left.
I feel like there's def a learning curve to the sex swing
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