Hey sorry about saying i hated you. it was the coke and the ice cream.
I gave her the chance to be interesting and she failed. So then I gave her a chance to be slutty and she failed at that too.
when she started arguing that Girl Talk was in fact a DJ, i knew i could never sleep with her
I don't know where I am, but its a Goosebumps novel waiting to happen.
I was in the bathroom throwing up...when I walked out he was sitting there watching porn and jacking off. He said, "Sounded like you were gonna be in there for a while."
Went to the career fair today..I handed out many resumes to find out later that they say I have a bachelor o farts degree...Top that.
I'm stuck on the dance floor between two fat people. I don't think they feel my existence. Please help.
Lube is flammable
Who is this??
Aw don't be embarrassed. It was all good fun! We've all been there. You can't come to vegas and NOT get a little alcohol poisoning. That's like going to church and not praying.
Dude I'm at a bar, and there's this Elvis impersonator here that I went to rehab with. Apparently Elvis has left the wagon.
He was talking up his golf swing like other guys talk up their dick. Is this adult dating or just another flavour of douchery?
Is it weird to invite your FWB to thanksgiving dinner??
Fuck. Totally just had sex instead of studying for econ test in an hour. Gonna get fucked again. HELP ME WITH YOUR EXTENSIVE KNOWLEDGE OF ECON
The whole country is going to hell in a handbasket but I got a grade A fucking and don't particularly care.
If I wanna spend the whole night tied up and getting railed I'm allowed to do so
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