She transformed our coors light pitcher we stole from the bar into a fruit basket...
Does Vicodin go better with white or red wine?
We followed the campus tour around in a golf cart drinking PBR and blasting "Sexual Healing."
I'm pretty sure there was a language barrier but he knew what "harder" meant.
I'm not upset because i like you. I'm upset because I can't use you for the sex anymore.
Have you SEEN his girlfriend?? Or talked to her? Christ almighty I'd drink every day just to die let alone black out
We got Pizza Hut & Papa Johns, delivered within seconds of each other, and both delivery people did a shot. I was put on Earth for this moment.
I would come over if there was not the impending fear of me shitting out my brains.
So scratching an ex marines beard, telling him "nice hairy pussy." then when he opens his mouth to respond, I started fingering his mouth. Needless to say was a horrible idea
I can't turn off my feet"
Like what did he say to his host family? The girl I causally sleep with on the weekends is coming over?! And they thought "well lets feed her dinner"
Ladies and gentlemen, the only person I know who would keg stand in pearls and a bow.
I mean of all the things to be cockblocked by, Taco Bell is pretty high on the list
He does have a nice smile. I also like to think he has a nice penis, but that's just a prediction.
he just got here with a handle of tequila and box of condoms. looks like i'll be spending the weekend in bed
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