he was like a christmas ornament you would hang on the back of the tree....not great but still made the cut.
I hit 10,000 texts this month.. I think my grandkids have carpal tunnel.
I'm in the library if you wanna come give me library head.
I just saw a van full of amish parents and their kids. Those cheating mother fuckers!
The magic cards should have been the first clue. The comments that I have "amazing birthing hips" and that I'm "beautiful in a child bearing sort of way just sealed his fate.
We got really high and decided it would be a good idea to wash towels in the dishwasher. I left before I could see the final result.
He slow fucked me. Doggy style. On a porch. You never slow fuck doggy style. Its a law. A LAW.
making out was so insane. it felt like our tongues were paintbrushes made of waves and we were painting an ocean galazy
They don't allow McDonald's in the ER. Go figure
It'll just be like "PENIS HERE". In case you get lost.
About to be a 4Loko vomit fountain in 45 seconds, what color will it be? Animated birds will fly out of me.
If you can't drink with the big boys, give up your beer and go back to the playpen
Yes. Life would be much easier if we had penises & could do whatever the fuck we want.
Can I drink yet?
It's Monday morning.
Your point?
Oh and people at work think i got knocked up so my gay roomie is claiming it as his lol
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