11:03 p.m. Whats a lie i you lovn me. Let's cuddle.
i finally understand why guys leave in the middle of the night.......they got it right
Nope it's a specific set of cards not like a normal ace, queen king thing....kinda like UNO, but instead of yelling UNO you get shitfaced
All he was doing was sitting in the car, staring. We asked him what was wrong and he just turned, smiled, and said "everything has its own pair of boots"
Just got my cast off. My occupational therapist wants me to self-gratify. My clit is about to have an awesome weekend...
I have got to stop getting laid on my lunch breaks. I AM SO HUNGRY RIGHT NOW.
We are probably going to have to use your boobs as currency to get this done
Just reduced mom to tears when she realized I wasn't kidding about hating kids. She's crying about never being a gma. Now would be the time to tell her about the girl you knocked up. You're welcome.
Standards? I'm sitting on his couch eating microwaved ramen wearing his wife's t-shirt. I don't remember what having standards even feels like.
I find it very uncomfortable that I need to ask you to stop sending me pictures of your stomach
i would really love it if at least once per weekend i did not wake up to you half naked passed out on the floor
I hooked up with a guy dressed as Justin Timberlake, while dressed as Britney Spears. Fuck Jessica Biel, all my 90's dreams are coming true.
I've been up for almost three hours and it took me until JUST NOW to figure out that what I'm tasting isn't blood, just the minerals in the water. Fuck hangovers, man.
You have the most beautiful penis I've ever seen. I never thought penises were meant to be beautiful, but you proved me wrong
(440): please tell me you didn't have sex in my dress.. IT'S A VIRGIN DRESS.
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