she quoted hannah montana in her facebook status. i will never be speaking to her in person again.
Whatever is fine with me, as long as I am dressed in green and end up shitfaced.
i dont understand blimps. what would happen if they collided would they just bounce off or fall to the ground.
dude how high are you right now?
do you think jeeves would know? you do it. ask jeeves.
we used a swiffer mop as a stripper pole.
Thanks to this cookie, I have now eaten something other than skittles today.
I. Did. In fact. Sprain. My liver. This. Weekend.
if the furniture in my bedroom wasn't shape shifting... this would be a different story.
also my alarm just went off. I am always amused at what time drunk me decides to wake up.
like stop just cause your whole life has been one enormous reject pile does not mean that i have to suffer too
You've got to be fucking kidding me. Do you think "Husband drunkenly pees all over floors" is reasonable grounds for divorce? So pissed off right now.
The last person that asked me out got pushed down an escalator
I haven't had a bra on since I quit my job.
I’m ready to be reckless and make stupid decisions, and I need you to support me in that.
I was left to my own devices with nothing to do but drink
he asked me for a magic BJ...is that supposed to be different from a normal BJ?
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