I didn't slap you in the face. TEQUILA slapped you with my hand...
I can't go out tonight. I feel like I'm starting to party as much as Farrah on Teen Mom.
i can't, i'm blowing bubbles in class and getting credit for it
so apparently dipping a tampon in red gatorade and throwing it out the window on the highway is a $100 fine
its time for step 4 of getting over him: post his number on the transvestite page on craigs list asking for pics
were drug buddies, doing lines off her ass is just a bonus
I have a meeting at work in an hour, I'm so hungover going outside is NOT happening there are roads and shit I'll totally get myself killed.
Happiness is watching your asshole boss' police DUI video.
But how will the next generation learn about life choices without a Jersery Shore?
You know what's awkward? Being with your girlfriend and seeing her ex-boyfriend that she left for you while you've got a Ron Burgundy level awkward boner.
I am a figure skater. You should know better than to let me get drunk near any patches of ice during Olympics season.
Just introduced myself to a group of people and one dude said "You're Marc!? I've heard many a legend of you." I raised bottle of champagne, said cheers, and drank with them.
What was the name of that sleazy asshole I'm not allowed to sleep with?
tell raye i said hi and sorry for bleeding on the limes
He fucked me so hard my contacts fell out! Didnt know that was possible.
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