dude, mark had the least successful cab ride in history last night. took a cab to the bars, stopped at every atm in the city, none worked, then had to come back to the party to beg for 20 to pay the taxi that officially took him nowhere.
Can I have the boy from 16 and pregnant's next baby???
he is the anna nicole to my 90 year-old billionaire. i'm grateful that he's fucking me, so i'm buying him shit.
It's happening again. I feel like I'm under water and my heart beat matches "Teenage Wasteland"
gettin drunk isnt as much fun when i can use my own id for it
It was the most graceful puke ever. I just thought she dropped something underneath the bar until she told me what happened.
Every time I try to stand up the back of my head feels like a bunch of little elves are beating the inside of my scalp with their toy making tools. What disease could this be?
I'm trying to decide whether it's worth it to masturbate in this gas station bathroom
Turns out he's old enough to be my dad. I'm so excited. I've never had a sugar daddy before. What should I ask for first!? Want anything?
Found a popcorn kernel in my pubes... Time fir a Brazilian
Is there a greeting card for "I can't keep being The Other Woman"?
Somehow i instagrammed my acceptance letter while blacked out. Then my grandma was the first to comment on it. I got over 50 likes....Phd here I come....
You'd be proud. Took my birth control today at 12:30 with a Budweiser. Guy across the bar saw and held his bottle up to salute me 😂
I accepted my type is not "conventionally attractive" when she asked me "Him? Are you sure?" 5 times in front of him last night
Can we climb Your roof?
No bitch its 2am go home.
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