Nothing is worse than puking naked in front of strangers
How can people commit suicide when things like bagels exist
He was streaking. We were hammered. We had roman candles. It only made sense to shoot them at him.
How do i tell my boyfriend " I'm taking the two weeks im in Europe to fuck my way across 9 countries" in a way where we will still be together?
decision: in honor of being in new orleans this weekend all my drunk texts will be en francais
Midnight run for medical supplies ended several hours later with a lapdance to the Braveheart soundtrack.
his phone is always ringing though. It makes me feel like I'm dating a doctor who's always on call.
yeah, dating a doctor sounds much better than fucking your drug dealer.
You said you didn't want to drink anymore so you started shooting vodka down the back of your throat using a syringe. Oh, and then you aimed it at my eye ball...vodka in the eye hurts btw.
Step 1: chug a red bull vodka with no ice Step 2: chase that with a shot of wild turkey Step 3: chase that with a shot of tequila
Step 4: your drunk
The problem with drugs is that there's none in this hotel
The problem with drugs is that showing my boobs only gets so much of them
Maybe whip a sausage around while you do it and pour some beer on you. Like a German white snake video
If you keep giving me that glorious dick ill bake you some cookies
Friday is the holy day of drinking. Thou shalt observe the Sabbath. It's in the bible. Look it up bitch.
I just realized I'm having shark week, during shark week.
We should write a country song: “Blacked Out on a Sunday”
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