Ugh, here's a dating tip. Hairy legs are a major turn off
Sitting in class thinking wow im glad im not hungover...and then i realized im still drunk.
idk how it happened. she made a very smooth transition from crying to blowing me
Does this sound normal?...She's ironing on pictures of her dead cat to all of her green clothes...
Have invented new cocktail. Any flavor of crystal light and vodka. I call it "I am going to die alone"
Ok if you are accepting my apology, please continue to ignore me. If you are not, please fill out the brief survey that follows, to help me improve my people relations: a) your a bitch please leave me alone b)your crazy pls leave me alone c) I never cared ab u please leave me alone. D) all of the above e) all of the above but I wouldn't mind still fucking u. F) who are you again? Your answer will not b shared and will b used in accord. With the law. TY
If I come home tho and find u passed out naked in my bed with the bottle of crown empty, we're gonna have issues.
I'm sorry, I can't help the fact that I like to sleep naked, and I like booze, together it looks bad, yes.
Turns out the old man beside me in the waiting room was dead, but other then that it was a good day.
I'm sure he'll make the rejection quick and completely justified.
I’m a coke loving, addy selling, pot smoking CRIMINOLOGY major. If there isn't irony in that I give up.
Was just told that I slept on the counter using a loaf of bread as a pillow. Clearly my life is going well.
I walked into the bathroom and there's this 6'5" cop washing his hands. He looks at me and goes, "Heard you singing outside. Sound real pretty."
No more tequila EVER.
1) break up with him. 2) feel bad. 3) fuck some other guy. 4) feel better. Boom! Life plan. You're welcome.
You're even getting laid in my dreams, god I'm a good wingman
But seriously like how many girls do you know that will do that on the first date?
One?
ONE! And it was was glorious!
Randomize
