She got mad when I told her I'd bone her mom. She got MORE mad when her mom heard, and was flattered by it. Proud to say I attract MILFS.
you know you go to a catholic school when you are rollin a joint with matthew 14:1-12
I have a feeling she doesn't appreciate me as a person. She only fucks me because I look like Harry Potter.
Okay. So my choices are the sleeping Guy who looks about twelve and a man that looks like he was the original sandman. Im gonna need a beer for this......
I put you to bed and you would not go unless I let you sleep with the vodka
Take a good hard look at your life. And the number of 18-20 year olds that you have made out with in the last 6 months... and then keep doing whatever the fuck you want.
On celebration of the Supreme Court ruling I feel it is our patriotic duty to have a threesome
I do believe that seeing camel toe in leopard print pants at Walmart is the closest I will ever come to going on a safari
Prerry sure I narrowly avoided being tazed by a swat cop last night... But on the up side, we found my purse.
If there's anything else you're planning on stealing from me, please let me know so I can set it on fire
I'm glad he doesn't have a bigger dick because he'd just use it for evil anyway
Accidentally made a straight guy question his sexuality again. I really gotta watch myself.
I had the good sense not to tell her that my summer goal is to get fucked by a med student while wearing a party dress and sparkly shoes
Typical. We're ready to go, and you're not wearing pants.
I expected my Sunday morning walk of shame dressed as a sexy Dorothy would get some scorn, but nobody seems to even care
That’s because it’s 2020. The slutty costume walk of shame is a refreshing reminder of a time when wearing masks and catching communicable diseases was a right of passage, not everyday for the foreseeable future.
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