I will return your cat, I saw a mouse in my apt last night and your door was unlocked, it seemed really practical
Spent 30 minutes in the board meeting trying to figure out where the foul smell was coming from. Thought it was the guy's feet sitting next to me. Then i uncrossed my legs. Turns out it was my vagina. Thank goodness for travel size febreeeze.
I am watching the CFL at a Hooters in Texarakana. I made a poor life choice at some point that led me here.
It never makes you rethink your life choices when you're breaking into my apartment at 3 am to take a piss in my kitchen sink?
do you have any idea how hard it is to keep a boner while another dude is writing on your dick in sharpie?
Woke up in my underwear and Christmas sweater. Only. Eggnog has won the battle but not the war.
I text him "Dude. Tryna get fucked here. I only have half the parts. I need your help" I'm sure my mom would be super proud of the woman I have become.
Don't even start with me. You know damn well if you walked into a bathroom with two girls naked in the shower you would stay too. Regardless how drunk I was or whether or not you were my ride.
You also thought the cure to hiccups was drowning yourself (and you were right)
I have to have sex on a bidet. I'm not sure what kind, but it's reason #4 for an Italian vacation!
I almost put an adult beverage in my sippy cup for the beach but realized the next step would be rehab.
No the next step is being buzzed at the beach. I would've.
Got hit on by the cable guy. Solid 9. Think Orlando Bloom with a glorious curly mullet.
Well, at some point in her life every girl has to decide how much weird she's willing to tolerate for hot tall banker cock
Had an orgasm and got a charley horse at the same time. It was a multi-purpose scream.
I apparently tried to wax off my nipples.This explains the pain
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