Yea, forget your mom. She will be home after her one night stand.
New rule: no balls on the kitchen counter.
I heard that if you win you get to have sex with me. You guys really need to stop wagering my vagina.
She said she's saving anal for marriage cuz she has to save something for her husband...seriously just caught myself lookin at rings.
Did you get the "i have a yeast infection from that wet frat bathroom floor" text?
you are not my drinking buddy, you are my drinking enemy.
Dude, on the way home the cab driver asked why you didn't bring a guy home and referred to you as "one night stand girl"
Super awkward that I just now realized I added no verb to the first statement about super hero porn. We were watching it, not making it. Clarity.
Well we went from the roof to the stairwell to an air mattres. One day were going to fuck in a bed
Stocking up on Wasabi powder. Nobody's tampons are safe.
I hummed the theme from jaws while she was taking the pregnancy test....needless to say she was not pleased
How was your day?
Peaceful. I left the house to get paid and get fried chicken.
Why is the turtle in the toilet again?
Well as I was puking in the tub I put him in there to keep me company but I am almost positive the original setup was him in the tub and me next to the toilet...I hope he likes tequila
You are now at the point where people no longer question whether or not you might be on drugs. They now know for certain that you are
the raccoons are back...
Randomize
