RAWRRRR IMA PURPLE DINO
dude i'm sitting right next to you.. stop texting me
She just used a turkey baster to transfer alcohol from the glass to the bottle. Just thought you should know
NoDDING MY HEAD LIKE uyuEAH MOViUNG MY HiPS LioKe YEAhhhhhhhhhhh
wow.
we fucked while standing on a ladder. challenging, but worth it.
Nothing sez sunday morning like waking up in a phonebooth with a leg cramp.
That's the international "my vagina is unoccupied, come talk to us" chant. You have your mission. Go.
If it involves mee putting on a bra and discontinuing my 11 am drinking my answer is a polite fuck YOU
Welcome to drink and talk like a Russian afternoon.
Pirate drinking day will be planned for shortly
I approve this so hard.
Reasons I shouldn't drink... My twitter drafts keep getting more and more emotional.
I don't think he likes that I'm always sending him pictures of me in my bra but he needs to get it together
I'm watching Trainwreck with Jeff and realizing that I'm the John Cena in my relationship.
As much as I want you to bang someone other than me, he is an asshole.
rock bottom is drinking straight vodka from a protein shaker, singing one direction and crying alone in your room. exams.
The good news is I woke up fully clothed, on top of my covers, with a half eaten granola bar. So, breakfast was waiting for me and I’m already dressed and ready to go today.
MY DINNER LAST NIGHT CONSISTED OF SEMEN AND A PROTEIN SHAKE... MY TRAINER WOULD BE PROUD I DIDN'T HAVE CARBS!
Randomize
