I just got my poem back from the prof, there's a sticker of a girraffe on it and it says "you're awesome!" ... How can this even be considered real college?!?
i told the doctor i drank a college amount of alcohol. judgemental prick
my dentist asked me why my tooth was chipped, i told him i couldn't remember. i think he understands.
I wasn't expecting a boner of this magnitude
I may be a little fuzzy on this, but I think at some point I said something about being a generous lover.
He said in a slur "I go so hard, even when I..." and cut himself off by projectile vomiting all over the ice luge.
One my way home. There was too much fog, strobe lights, and cocaine for my taste.
We call her skankles because she's a skank and she has cankles, I thought that was obvious
Was I drunk or did Alex not show up with 100 rainbow Jell-O shots?
I woke up in your kitchen with my ID in my hand and my nails were painted electric blue. Dude.... never let me have fireball again.
man fuck you i am a delight. you're the one who fucking set his tree on fire while high
It's a sad day when ur phone automatically updates u on Thursdays that traffic is normal and how long it will take to get to the bar
That's fucking great actually
Definitely woke up.this morning to a random girls head in my toilet and her mom knocking on my door.
He has a bear rug in his room. I'm going to ask if we can have sex on it. Wilderness sex.
She was drunk running in the middle of the street when a cop saw her,picked her up and dropped her off at her house. This really doesn't surprise me.
Randomize
