im officially scared..,i finally realized who my boyfriend reminds me of! spencer pratt
He just kept muttering to himself "stabby stabby stabby stabby" while we were boning. I will never be boning him again.
He is in the front yard trying to catch birds out of the air with a fishing net.
In class ... We were just assigned groups for the quarter... Remember that night we took shots from that guys pants? I now know his name
I've been practicing for you. Including stockpiling medical supplies for curing hangovers.
he just used "boss" and "boner" in the same sentence. I cant respond.
I just picked up my chili cheese fries off the ground ate them, and then licked up the cheese that was still on the concrete. Thank you Jagerbombs
My contribution to the dinner party was a bottle of vodka and a bag of uncooked potatoes. I felt like a Russian serf.
you slapped the bag of goldfish out of her hands and screamed, "BITCH THIS AINT NO AQUARIUM". That's how fucked up
I woke up this morning half naked, smelling like an ash tray, with an empty bottle of jack next to me, and now someone named Dora the anal explorer is texting me.
The magician guy on probation is here at the bar. I'm gonna get him to show me a trick
just saw the most amazing side boob. i wanted to hold it.
Why is no one on Snapchat tonight? I want to see other people having fun so I know it still exists.
Apparently walking into a national conference and proclaiming "i'm here to fuck shit up" is frowned upon.
Who knew?
Dude... this pee is not alleged
YOU SAT ON MY LAP!
Wuddup pee lap
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