the "happy anniversary" cake for my mom and dad is about to turn into the "yeah, that's a hickey, welcome back from italy" cake.
I think condoms have that nasty latex smell to remind you in the morning of how gross you are.
I hate when people I sell to add me on Facebook. I'm your dealer, not your friend, C'mon people.
ya i found him eventually. hes the only one who drinks guiness so I just had to follow the darkest green puke trail
My corndog is like a popsicle of bread. A WHOLE. POPSICLE. OF BREAD.
Glad we went casual last night, made my 1pm walk of shame through Walmart a little less obvious
you goin out tonight?
who is this.
your orgasm for tonight
Just warning you now f you do not get intoxicated with me in front of the family on thanksgiving we are not related.
I just want brownies and waffles and someone to lick my tits
I no longer believe that the road to self esteem is through his penis.
alicia just called me and talked to me in "the eternal language of the dinosaurs" and then kind of roared and gurgled. what kind of 4th of july are you guys having?
the boozy kind. is there any other?
Do they sell "congrats in losing your virginity!" cards and do they come in gay?
My book, "How to Live With a Huge Penis" was delivered today. Can't wait to read it in public.
Lol he touched my butt after his grad party and a shooting star went by. No kidding. My ass is mystical.
Dude, I can't even reach my asshole to wipe it. I have a lot more to be thankful for this Thanksgiving.
I can't help you there
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