I will come over but only if I don't have to take my sunglasses off for it
i was gonna tell him a really embarassing story about you, but then i remembered im in all of them
She just stuck her hand down the strippers pants. Shit just got real.
I should have but it might be too early in this fuckbuddyship to emasculate him
I just want him to slap me with his dick and call it love
The puppy is a lightweight. 3 beers and he's passed out on the floor already. I repeat, the puppy is a lightweight.
Depending upon how the Sox game progresses, I'll either cry on the bar or fuck someone tonight...
I chugged vodka from a 15 ft snorkel. What the fuck did you do with your life today?
So you're mad that you saw a penis at a swinger's party? That's rational
Eh. Fuck him. He's missing out. I'm legit naked and drinking straight from the bottle of wine.
I dropped a piece of Mac and cheese in the shower and I almost still ate it. Stoned, but not stoned enough to degrade myself.
I fucked that choir dude last night. he had the most strangely musical moans. it was like a Sound Of Music porno.
She dated an Australian guy or some dude with an accent. Normal guys don't stand a chance.
CHALLENGE ACCEPTED.
She asked what the dent on the hood of my car was from..i think she knows we had sex up there
I THINK HE DOES. OMG!!!!! OMG I FUCKED A GUY W A FAKE LEG AND I DIDN'T EVEN KNOW!!!!!!????!!!!!!!!!
Randomize
