I failed the drunk obstacle course of trying to find my bed... consolation prize... a sore ankle and "disappointed' parents.
I just tipped a bartender in xanax.
He never called back after I emailed him my booty call contract.
I don't know where I am but there are firefighters
So I've officially decided that I AM that drunken mistake that girls hate themselves for in the morning.
It's nice to sit in the library and see the progression from freshman pledge to 6th year coke addict all at one table. Gotta love sororities
My gym is having a pizza and beer party. God im starting to love this place.
I approve. Last time I was there, I left E's room to get a drink of water. Found M sitting on the kitchen counter in his boxers hammered and eating a banana. He proceeded to feed me the rest of his banana then went to bed with the lights on. You two will be great.
He wanted to watch the vow, cuddle, and not have sex. An upgrade is in order.
My loniness meter has reached its peak. I just played shadow puppets using my Big Mac on the wall with my cats
Yeah, he fractured his ass by doing a canon ball into the bath tub....
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score onr for mom.
We are totally like Jim and Pam, except ya know, drunk and not together anymore.
Finally hooked up with Ryan. Now I know why they call him “Beast Mode”. So. Many. Orgasms.
Just found out a shooting happened in our parking lot while it was closed this morning. So thaaaaaaaaats fun.
Randomize
