I was so drunk last night i ate cereal with a fork.
Chillin with my Grandpa and my grandma tells us there is a tornado warning. My grandpa then says "We'll go hang out in the basement, we can bring the keg with us." This is why I love coming home
I woke up to ritz crackers on the lawn, a keystone behind the hedge and puke on the rental car... i think that we have become that house...
I think we need to find a happy medium between fried food and dicks. This could end badly.
I puked right in front of him after winning beer olympics and he still hooked up with me. My life is so easy.
Apparently as she was dragging me out of the club, I was clinching onto this european guy screaming at Jenna: that's the 12th time you've cockblocked me tonight
and if my full six pack comes in by Halloween there is no stopping the man slut costume. I have no shame
i shit in a pringles can and hid it somewhere in your house....happy hunting
Go forth my little lesbian, get your gayme on
My entire news feed is ice bucket challenges. I wish there was a hide from feed button like FarmVille
Could you just like have a friend who feels bad for me and secretly always wanted to have sex with me
Strip Simon Says: DO IT
I told him I was studying his body for art, so now I have to actually do a drawing of him to not look like a creep and so we can hook up again.
The last time I went out with these guys I won an iced tea maker from a drag queen.
U were so upset when the shower ruined ur nachos. I didn't kno what to do.
Randomize
