My cousins just decided to make a catapult to spread my Grandpa's cremated remains. I love my family.
Never eat 3 McGriddles and drink a carton of milk. It's like you're successfully killing self but you're alive.
and she was petting her beer can
At dinner I grabbed his hand and he screamed "mom she just grabbed my penis" the proceeded to shove my hand down his pants! Hello Mr.Dick!
walkin around the woods blazed, drawing pictures of trees and plants, i get a grade for this
He told everyone he was freezing their keys so they couldn't drive drunk. When I opened the freezer this morning, my keys were at the bottom of an unfrozen ice cream tub of vodka.
Just stole a goat. Bringing it to your house to cock block. Blame the goat not me.
Considering showing up at your house with coronas. I'll be wearing a sombrero and that's it.
Party city is having a sale on maracas
I'm 50% weirded out and 50% into it
You screamed at oncoming traffic , "five dollars to punch this guy in taint!".
My day in three words: secret purse cake
Carver called his mom a milf again
Was it on purpose this time?
I was having a serious heart-to-heart, and then the weed gummy kicked in.
Our love of vodka is more proof than a maternity test
We somehow ended up in Oklahoma. Nick's been crapping for two hours and I'm afraid to call a doctor because who the hell knows what sort of stuff goes down in the middle of nowhere. So not a great long weekend really.
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