My bed smells like naked
Haha. At least it doesn't smell like herpes
did all my christmas shopping this morning at 4am drunk. never went to sleep. i was walking home drunk last night when i passed a target and saw 3 kids having a dance off. had to join. somehow they convinced me to go shoopping with them. i bought 4 disco balls and a lava lamp.
I found out that all you need to write a 12 page paper is adderall and twizzlers
Just got head while drinking hot cocoa and eating cookies. Never in my life have I felt more like santa claus
Good cause the way I see it, we are down to DAYS left of college so we should have as much naked fun as possible. And Jenga really facilitates that.
Was behind a guy going 20 for 4 miles I'll be there as soon as the universe quits fucking me
I was like a damn cattle dog, I separated all the sheep, I can wing man for anyone on this campus.
Apparently "I have the beer shits" isn't the excuse my boss wanted to hear. So sue me
Brett got me a cake with a pic of me shitting
You kept trying to make cocktails with my protein powder last night...
If you buy me a steak I will make the extra effort to ride you. If not, I'm just gonna lay there.
Are ropes allowed in during conjugals?
I had to ask my mom to look for my kegle ball...
Yeah that was post sex. I was thinking in my mind, no wonder he didnt ask me to call him daddy since he actually is a dad
I feel like the physical embodiment of the pot leaf eyes smiley face
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