he asked me if i wanted "a hit" off his inhaler. its definitely time for a new roommate
I slept with some guy because he drew a dinosaur on my arm
did that guy on the oscars really just tell me to text a dolphin?
It was worth having to clean the cum stains out of the carpet.
I'm in the grocery store cradling a box of wine like it's my firstborn, so of course this would be the first and only time I've ever seen my boss outside of the office.
I say we start a new tradition. I came up with it all by myself. It's called work out, lay out, black out
We have 24 days left before I leave for college and 21 condoms left in the stockpile. Are you up for the challenge?
There's an owl outside. I feel like he's hooing directly at me.
there's people who respect me enough not to bang on my bed and i think that's beautiful
Sorry about my life...
She said I'm like warm bathroom-sink water. There's nothing necessarily wrong with me, but she doesn't exactly want to "drink me in"
I woke up naked next to my hot manager. Left before she woke up, and worked an entire shift with her. She has no idea.
I think i got beer on your cat.
At some point you said you just wanted to get laid, so we had a moment of silence for your dead sex life...
I don't know if I'm having early flu symptoms, a miscarriage, or am badly hungover. Web md agrees.
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