It was at that point the crowd that gathered realized i wasn't getting arrested, and passed the sobriety tests. I got a standing ovation from 25 strangers
i'm the matthew mcconaghey of this party. i'm too old, and too high.
He has jerked off in so many socks I am surprised he doesn't have athletes dick
I just farted in the dogs face to show him who's boss
I took an adderall but just ended up meticulously arranging my farmville for hours
Jager Bombs are cool, but hydrogen bombs are where it's at. Sparks and jager equals instant black out, I mistakenly tried eating a cigarette thinking it was a nacho.
We'll cross that bridge when we come to it... Or burn it. Either way we'll deal with it later
Did you get your crutches off the street sign?
The little girl I babysit saw pink plastic shot glasses in my car and asked what they were for and I told her they were princess teacups.
Lab coat again saves the day - hiding embarrassing shart evidence...
Yeah. I found my shirt from last night while walking back to the bar to get my purse/phone this morning. I'm never going to even ask what actually happened. Be glad you moved 7 states away.
His dad and I had a drunk conversation about life. At 4 am he told me that I was 21 and cute and should fuck whoever I want.
Tis the season to play Pocahontas! (AKA: Eat a bunch of acid and run around the yard barefoot, the first person to see the colors of the wind, wins!)
I'm a little concerned about right now. You showed up at my house soaking wet, drunk with a bag of ham and 2 liter of Dr. Pepper, and you refused to tell me where you got the ham until I gave you some more liquor.
You kept on yelling traitor and threatened to kill him and everyone he loves because he played beerpong with someone else
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