Nothing better then your mother meeting someone you randomly had sex with and him introducing himself as the guy who rocked her world once.
She paints her nails the color of the sheets of the last guy she slept with
My grandpa just complimented my boobs. Im taking this as a compliment but also brushing it off as alcoholism on his part.
My mom just set up beer pong in the dining room for family game night. and you ask why I'm still living at home.
You know me. Don't need roses, just dick and food.
He sent me a picture of myself smashed completely butt naked passed out on the couch and said "at least I'll have these memories"
He stopped in the middle of us having sex and asked "is today Monday?" then went even faster
you know it's gonna be a good 4/20 when you start saving up for it in january.
You know it's been a successful day when the only reason you put on a bra was to take off your shirt
you just missed a great speech in which i almost coined the term "ass-ian" as in "my vaginal and ass-ian regions are no longer safe"
God please dont post that to facebook.
i fell into a bathtub last night and broke the fall with my forehead. my forehead is bruised
my life could not get any worse. just saw my sister in a porno
Well he offered to lick my asshole so...I'm not really worried about his interest level.
the universe is starting to freak me out.. ive now had sex with 3 people who were born on the same day..
Stacy was in the bathroom puking, so he peed out the window. We were eight stories up.
Randomize
