At my boss' house at a bbq. Had a few beers. Taking a poop - there's no TP...this is my nightmare.
I told her Billy Mays couldn't convince me to sleep with her
I woke up at 1pm, looked in the mirror and fist pumped...I might still be drunk
i got a blow job in the bathroom during intermission at the hockey game. i'm pretty sure i made Canada proud.
He's like the houdini of condoms. I never even realized he put one on before we fucked. he's magical.
I feel uncockblockable...banged her in the bathroom with my iv still in
Down at Ground Zero right now. So many people here. It's the most patriotic game of grabass Ive ever seen.
Top hats and gin. This is why I love day drinking.
You better be Eskimo Brother-ing the FUCK out of tonight right now. Long distance 'balls deep' high five
There should be a rule. If your dick is under 6 inches, you are not allowed to dress as Thor.
As the bouncer was escorting you out, you yelled "keep your filthy dick beaters off me!"
I've done dumber things than this for flimsier reasons. Come with. If I pull it off I need a witness, and if I fail I need an escape plan.
I was in the rappers prayer circle. Then they're blunt circle
Which emoticons convey sympathy for sleeping with someones bf ??
If you wake up, and some of your hair is singed off, it probably has something to do with the lit cigarette you put in your hair. You said it could double as a bobby pin...?
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