if you dont talk to me in person you cant text me
Well for one thing, she was eating rice with a shot glass.
I love how our sober spotter means you only have to stay sober enough to type your pin in an ATM
Housekeeping just called to see if we were okay bc they came in the room earlier and we didn't move.
we hotboxed my bathroom. with nine people and two dogs.
I feel like I took a shit on my life and you're rubbing my nose in it.
You're like the Mr. T of my A-team, only less gold jewelry and more pitying of fools.
That's the nicest thing anyone has said to me all day.
I accidentally called my professor daddy...and I think he liked it. Help, I'm scared.
Whoever was doing lines off my iPad is a dick. Also bring Gatorade, for I hunger
For Who flesh?
I am a delicate flower. A fucked up, drunk, horny, pants pissing, delicate little flower.
I'm sitting here listening to fat joe and doing kegels I have given up
Quit being awkward towards me every time the group is together. They're going to figure out we're fucking.
Did you just affectionately call me a scrotum?
My vagina! What have you done to it?
Blessed it my child.
He called my IUD an IED, and said that’s why I had bomb pussy.... I didn’t correct him
Randomize
