The worst part was when my mom got more drunk than anyone else and started doing the Time Warp.
Went to use to bathroom and walked in on karaoke. Two girls singing "a whole new world" to each other in the shower. I'm gonna miss this place in the summer
I can't get a boner in the bathroom of a buffet.
You couldn't hold yourhead up but you managed to unzip my zipper. That's skill..
Honestly, it's not that easy picking a Saturday night outfit that can translate to Palm Sunday mass. Priorities.
Thanks in advance for a great weekend. Sorry your roommates are going to hate you after I leave. They need to loosen up anyways.
So the chick throws up over the rail from the 15th floor at the sky bar and I knew I would take her back to my hotel.
Just spent the last 5 minutes laughing at my epipen. i think i'm too high.
I shit you not, me and my date were in that bar and within a 10 minute window, 4 ex gf's entered. Every one clocked me and gave me evils. I swear they're conspiring.
To be clear, the next time I wake up with your dick inside me, I will reach down and grab one and squeeze until it pops like a grape. You've been warned.
I'm never drinking again. I saw way more penises than I ever cared to see last night. And I've decided that I'm going to live in Scotland.
I need an explanation for both of these epiphanies.
He managed to find a wheel chair and a super mario hat, now hes rolling around screaming "real life mario kart!"
All I'm saying is that if he knows his wife walks around naked during the day, he shouldn't bring a friend home for lunch and show up unannounced.
Just took acid. Wish me luck.
I worked out twice today and you're dropping acid. My life sucks.
I don't need romance, I need cheese sticks
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