I least I know I can't get pregnant because it's on my hair
Exactly. All of us sinners go to hell and get nothing while all of the goody two shoes get to go to heaven where its all pink floyd, lasers, and pot.
dude all my bootycalls are going to Eclipse tonight... Do I really want it that bad?
You kicked in the door when she was blowing him. You dont remember do you?
Doing lines and watching a show on hot dogs around the world ... Why do I do this to myself
Well he has a girlfriend. So I told him that I wanted to have sex way more than I wanted to be a decent human being.
'Twas I. Do you have any idea what it's like waking up to see you sent a text inviting someone to partake in "sexy rumpus?"
I joked that if anyone could fuck a 35 year old woman while wearing head bands and arm sweat bands it's you and look what happens.
I just invented spray cheese vodka. tastes real nasty but does the trick.
Well be careful man. Be careful. Wear shoes in the house. Safety. Safety first, then teamwork.
When she sees your dick for the first time, tell her it glows blue when orcs are close
Hold your horses dude. Titty pics are a work of art.
Can we talk about the fact that a stranger is doing a line of coke off our living room table right now?
I legitimately just had to leave work because I am too hungover. The front office ladies keep making fun of me.
I went looking for them and I pulled my pants down and peed on the lawn. I found my phone in the same spot in the morning.
Randomize
