I just asked my hair stylist how many percocets she'd do my hair for.
apparently breaking a beer bottle and then throwing up in a urinal is a terrible way to pick up girls.
Please never let me the drunk fat dancer in the bus girl
and now i get to think about how i fulfill a gay man's harry potter fantasy. thanks for that
I have their Unicorn picture in my shirt, and I just threw a Bud Light Platinum bottle through their window. We need to go now.
There's a chance I told a cop that I was ready for him to strip I may have even taken some ones out of my purse and stuck them in his holster
Note to self: trying to grow pubes back = worst decision of 2014 thus far
I wore a shirt that says "more tequila" to my bday party last year and that's why I want to be my own friend
Remind me to tell you the story of the fuzzy condom
I'm somewhere between crying and wanting to orgasm.
I'm sitting in my car avoiding a customer. Apparently the new year hasn't affected my attitude nor work ethic
FUCK YEAH PUPPY BOWL
Throwing my sister a bisexual bachelorette party was the best idea ever. I made out with both strippers and the hot bartender promised to "gay marry" me if I take him as my date to the wedding.
Ewe he just snapped me a pic of his butt crack.. Should I be concerned?
why yes, bad decisions will be made starting at 3PM Thurs through 8PM on Sun. You have been warned. Plan accordingly.
Randomize
