Getting food. Want anything?
Vagina. Double meat no buns. I have the secret sauce
Courtney? Is that you? I have pictures of this very same night.
you know what sucks? talking to chicks you dont want to have sex with
Oh, I made pasta salad in the throw up bowl. I hope you don't need that for the next few days.
Feels weird sitting between two guys who've had their heads between my legs in a 24 hour span.
Do 'mystery' cracked ribs heal any quicker than regular ones?
I tried doing a handstand in the middle of the bar and I ended up kicking this old guy in the face and broke his glasses. Thats how I got kicked out
If I ever mention marriage force me to Brazil to do coke and strippers until I die.
STDs are my biggest fear, besides whales. They're so fucking big.
There's nothing quite like having a little 8 year old boy hand me a Bible on campus while I'm on my way to the health center because of my recent slutty tendencies.
Currently watching Zombie Sharks while high. This is why I love Shark Week.
Do me a favor and don't mention him I feel like Regina George and I just want to scream I made him
Can my mom come with to the bar? Prince just died and I feel like I need to take her out to cheer her up.
Where'd you go?
Laundry, im. A responsible drunk
I know you're here! I can hear your phoneeeee. Wake up and do illegal things with me.
Randomize
