Yeah....I really appreciate it....I didn't even get it from hooking up....lame, atleast if a girl gets u sick when u r hooking up it was fun in its inception...
There's a dildo in the cheerios box here...
I feel like Captain Hook just gave me a pap smear.
Hypothetical question: If I threw up in the dishwasher do I clean it up or just turn it on? :(
they told me her nickname is "wizard sleeve"
pick me up NOW
So after I pop out this baby we need to just go on a monthlong coke binge so I can get skinny again before vegas
I can't believe I paid your booty call for a ride home in cake.
I STRONGLY considered not bringing that guy home with me last night simply because I'd JUST changed my sheets that morning.
He completely dissapeared at the baseball game. We found him passed out at the hotel three hours later with souviner photos of himself at the top of the Sears Tower.
Breakfast=the leftover margarita in my car. Have a great day.
She said, after pronouncing how sober she was, and I quote 'Take this bag, it's so heavy it's like 500 degrees! Wait, is it time to go? Can I run? I think I can run!' Then she ran away.
Someone took a shit in the house somewhere and I STILL can't find it. I'm just going to move.
The 666th photo in my phone is of him and if that's not a sign that he's secretly the Antichrist, idk what is. Also, bring more rum.
Remember that time you puked in the middle of wendy's?
Yeah, why?
The staff still remembers me for cleaning it up. Thanks for the free frosty and fries
I am the most hated person in hoboken. Ive been doing drunken cake boss impressions down the street for the past 20 mins.
Randomize
