so I ended up banging her last night
dude I remember her. You sure it was a her?
i don't even remember
I don't even want to think what you did to boys being that drunk and horny.
Then I wouldn't suggest looking at the pictures from last night.
just had sex on top of a camper looking at the stars, BEAT THAT.
You would think the bank would reward me for getting my account down to 3 cents without overdrafting it.
the bruises from climbing out of the window last night make sitting at my desk impossible. legit excuse to not study right?
He walked away from the girl that just blew him to hook up with another girl, and when she got pissed he just turned around and screamed, "SHE IS LIKE 10X HOTTER THAN YOU!" Then she went on an angry dick sucking rampage. There were 4 victims.
My kids are NEVER playing in the park more than 2 feet away from me until they are capable of punching an eagle.
I just got high off one hit and the. Spent 20 minutes inspecting the gasket of our refridgerator and researching ways to replace it
I wish our county sheriff had a comment section for their mugshots.
Then he kissed my hand sensually and said "you're a Black Queen. Don't let anyone tell you different."
Damn you. I'm in a bar with Southern Jesus Fearing Blah Blah Rednecks WHO ARE PROBABLY VOTING FOR TRUMP and you go radio silent.
Found a pic on my phone from last night. You're drunk. Arm wrestling some guy. In the bar bathroom. At a baby changing station. It's my new wallpaper.
Better not shit yourself at the gym.
I told him I had the birth control implant in my arm and he looked me in the eyes, said "Science!" and came in me
I refuse to believe you if you're trying to tell me humanity as a whole isn't sad, tired, and craving Chinese food.
Randomize
