the shit that comes out of a woman's mouth when she knows you can't hit her is fucking unbelieveable
hot pretzels for dinner, snacks, and now breakfast...oh to be a poor college student...everyday is like a carnival.
I think my goal in life now is to be a Trending topic on Twitter after I die.
He said I was the smartest girl he had ever dated, that should have been a sign from the beginning
beyond obliterated. i recall legitimately trying to use a ballpoint pen as eyeliner.
Shots and making dong molds for my gf's friends. Typical Monday night activities.
No just sleep deprived. James woke me up at 7 and forced me to eat a hot pocket with him cause he " didn't want me to die".
I just want school to he over so we can build a big tent, do drugs inside it, and watch cartoons until the sun comes up.
That's all I've ever wanted.
so, i guess i gotta chill on showing up to work hungover... someone anonymously left a bible in my work mailbox (no one else got one)
Instead of asking him how many women he's slept with I just got straight to the point and asked how many Plan B pills he's purchased
Blacked out and showed everyone my nudes. They toasted to my nudes, and I got an outstanding ovation.
Yo whoever left a thong on the dining room table, first of all get help second of all please remove it now
I have no idea what happened last night but I sobered up whilst showering with a mop.
Sorry I didn’t really get to say goodbye last night I was busy vomiting in your fathers front yard
Grandpa just whipped it out and started pissing on the way to the game stuck in traffic. I saw EVERYTHING. :(
Randomize
