im never drinking mad dog again and i have your belt.
carls jr on main st. japanese tourist taking a dump in the urinal. reading a japanese newspaper and wearing a full suit.
be there in 3 mins
you know you're not getting laid when you start breaking awkward silences with quotes from Robot Chicken
I'll listen to your side of the story when you stop being such a whore.
You ended at least 6 stories with "and that's why I don't snort coke anymore"
just caught a 10 year old kid staring at my dick next to me in the urinal. i just nodded to him and said yeah, mines bigger little dude. i gotta stop drinking in public....
Medicore although I woke up with the business card of a Turkish lawyer called Mufasa...
we've called him dos banos ever since he threw up in 2 separate bathrooms with the same puke
do you remember yelling at the waitress that you were a power bottom?
Upon further investigation it turns out it wasn't blood, but chocolate frosting from the cupcake I shoved in my pocket to "save for later"
Church parking lot, park bench, front porch. I think she's more comfortable going down on me in public. May have found the one.
moral of the story: if your going to mix ambien and free skyclub alcohol, take a direct flight or have a layover in a city you wouldn't mind having to return to for a court date.
Whatever. I just want to indulge in this mcchicken and forget all about his tiny penis.
I pay 3K a month for rent, yet last nite I broke into the back of my building, scaled over 2 tons of garbage in heels and took a dirty freight elevator to my floor just so my doorman wouldn't see how fucked up I was
U know ur prob on camera right?
i just woke up in my dog's bed, on my parents floor, my outfit on backwards, and a bottle of lube poured down my pocket.
Randomize
