took him home. told him i would rock his world. passed out. a for effort f for follow thru
I start off june hungover/still drunk stumbling down my driveway with the trashcan at 6am..it's gonna be an interesting month
Saved 180 Bucks tonight. Pulled my own tooth. More money to party with.
Literally passed out while tubing... Boating while hammered is a blast but thank God for life jackets
He had the smallest penis i'd ever seen. I can see why he drinks his life away.
Thanks for talking me down from peeing on his window last night.
I am now curious as to how you would have aimed.
I can't wait for the 4th. I'll probably get drunk and end up puking all over whichever 18 year old I end up making out with.
okay - we take $20 and buy each other some 'drink till we puke' clothes from the thrift store.
I can't handle dick pics with conversational captions
DC is easy, you will figure it out.
I'm drunk and blonde. You are wayyyy underestimating this.
bringing my vibrator into the shower with me. if I don't text back in 30 minutes I have electrocuted myself and died.
May the force be with you.
I just tried to brush my hair with a can opener. Who gave you that brownie
Took my plan b at Costco today, sample Sunday for the win.
My mom just came upstairs handed me an Adderall and asked if I could help her wash the ceilings
then he said the sex was mediocre and that it was because of me. and that we could try again tomorrow.
it was 100% mediocre because of him, and we will 100% not be trying again tomorrow.
Randomize
