I tried booty calling last night but apparently he was too tired and wants to meet up tonight. I told him planning defeats the purpose.
The only thing he got me during our relationship was a cum stain in my backseat. I choose winners.
hahhahahha. mid doggie-style, i faked an asthma attack. the sex was that bad
jacking off on stolen wireless... gotta enjoy the small things in life
third eye blind makes so much more sense now that i have a drug problem
you can now officially say a girl has shaved your initials into her pubes. welcome to the club.
They invited me day drinking but brought their kids. 3 two year olds and 1 11 month old. I was asked to change a diaper, I laughed and took another drink of this margarita. I LIKE CHANEL AND TEQUILA NOT CHILDREN. Can we make new friends?
Indeed. Apparently I called my sisters and told them I wouldn't get arrested because it's not a real sword.
I'm with the hottest fuckin fire fighter right now. I'm ready to fake my own death.
The liquor stores are closed! NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO! CURSE YOU SANDY!!!!
I'm using my dog as a pillow. He's cool with it.
Ive only just recently decided that NOT fucking you would be best for both of us.
A baby just tried to pull out his mom's huge tits at work today and nearly succeeded. I was silently cheering for the little guy.
I'm gonna fight the coyote
My Dachshund waddled into the room carrying a rolled-up pad in her mouth with period blood. This day is clearly off to a good start.
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