and technically it was a rebound
so lol
and then you got rebounded for the same girl he rebounded you for and still never scored ... it was like watching an LA Clippers game
Sometimes when i'm at a cross roads in life, i think about what i would want my lifetime movie to show what i did
Someone just asked me to go to the dining hall for dinner and he will use one of his swipes to pay for my meal. i think this is a college version of a date
so this chick screams out the name doug is bed..not to later do i find out doug is her vibrator
hello competition
It feels like Jesse James cheated on America.
Awww. A guy on the train just took his coat off so his girlfriend could throw up into it. Who says chivalry is dead?
I usually would've stopped there but I kinda remember opening the bottle of vodka, and we ALL know that's when things go downhill.
and then the entire party sang the national anthem a capella around the keg.
Look you found him on craigslist. You should be happy that he at least HAS a normal looking dick.
Imagine getting a FB inbox "hey I found your ID on the floor of a bar can you send me a mugshot so I can get a second piece of ID made?"
What part of drinking with my mom makes you think i'd get naked
All of it
You're the only person I know that could get laid while visiting their grandpa in florida
I am at a point in my life where I don't want to brush my teeth for my tinder date because toothpaste and martinis don't mix.
A relationship is waiting for him to fall asleep so you can cum (finally!) while watching porn
I just puked on the sidewalk. At 11am. Thought you'd like to know.
Just found out I lit my hair on fire last night.
Randomize
