There's something fitting about a hot in-car interracial makeout to the tune of 'healing the world.' RIP Mike.
this is the fifth day in a row i've woken up after 3 pm, hungover. I might die when snowmageddon is finally over and we have to go back to class. my liver wont know how to take it.
You refused to come over and kept yelling that you were gonna sleep on a car
I think I might be drunk enough to cut my own hair
siamese drinking twins saturday is a go ... bring duct tape.
Apparently while trying to get up from vomiting in the toilet I grabbed the seat cover for leverage and smashed my own head between it and the bowl. I don't remember this.
The last thing I remember is teaching our waffle house waitress to do the stanky leg and promising the grill cook we would come see him at his other job.
I made a Russian puke. I outdrank a Russian. I am unstoppable.
I just found out that I slept with Kate Gosselin's publicist back in June . Brb I have to wash myself endlessly.
after all you did bang a few mechanics. you must have got some second hand skills by now for building us a go kart.
I'm convinced he's the patron saint of oral sex
If you sleep with another manager before the year is up you'll deserve an accomplishment sticker.
I've decided if you aren't here in fifteen minutes I'm leaving you for Mario the 75 year old Colombian bartender.
I don't know how to explain to you that you tried to recreate the bit from the Dana Carvey show where a guy dressed as Bill Clinton breastfeeds a bunch of puppies
You fucked him, didn’t you?
He showed up at my house with tacos, rum and a negative Covid test. Of course I fucked him. I’m just a simple girl that likes tacos, not Margaret Thatcher!
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