i'm naked playing bejeweled blitz in your bed. this is both a forewarning and an apology
Sunscreen. In my vag. I hate summer sex.
And by that I mean I told her the plot of the first batman movie as my life and it took her like 20 minutes to figure it out
No that's sign language, not a drinking game. I tried to join
Last two new years I ended in jail by 12. Can we wait until its actually 12:02 this time to do something stupid. I'd like to spend the first minute of 2012 free.. At least.
Omg. Some dude is jacking off in Kelly's bathroom.
PLAN B IS EXPENSIVE ON A $50 A WEEK BUDGET.
We had half a pitcher of beer left and he asked us if we wanted a to-go cup. Fuck yeah we want it to-go.
Next time I think buying tan-thru bikinis is a good idea, remind me of that time I passed out in one and burned the epic shit out of my pussy.
When was that?
Yesterday. Bring aloe. For my pussy.
He seduced me by making me nachos. It worked.
I just found a reminder in my phone to ask you about your sex life in 7 years. So how is that going?
I just did the math technically I'll be drunk until 2:30-3:00pm
Fun fact. A penis can be used to catapult cheetos.
Wait wait wait. You are actually taking advice from this lunatic?
This is the girl who got a balloon full of cocaine through security no questions asked. Of course I'm taking her advice.
Valid.
sorry i was ignoring you last night i accidentally did a bunch of pcp and thought i was inside tron
Randomize
