She introduced herself and then asked "have you ever fucked a girl with a cast?"
thats what you get for writing a paper after liquor pitchers
its only a rough draft.
"The juvenile turned and faced the officer, unzipped his pants, placed a fresh cigarette in between his legs and preceded to light it with a match"
I'm using the bullet from my cock ring to massage out my tmj lock jaw from giving too much head.
I don't think ill be here long the chick I came to see is blowing rails with a drag queen
He stood me up and then his cat died. I feel like this is Gods way of saying he's on my side, even after the tequila fiasco.
Right now Tom has the 2nd floor office bathroom under siege. He shit/clogged one toilet, and he's throwing up in the sink.
Stormed out of the house in frustration and now I'm in public and have to take a rage dump. Today sucks.
And at the semi-adult age of 25 I have shit my pants. Not even drunk, just really late to work. Is this real life?
A unicorn in pinstripe pants just got on the J at Dolores stop. It can only be a good night
They don't have a Valentines Day card for the married guy I'm sleeping with. It can't use the words, love, soulmate, you're the only one for me...and obviously it can't be anything related to spending the day together because that's not happening.
I'm pretty sure my calc professer is on coke. He's just too excited for this to be an 8am class.
There's nothing like a guy talking about your vagina as if it's delicious food to make your day better.
I'm keeping him.
Sex was good?
I had to tap out three times. There aren't words for how much better than "good" that is.
So, do I need to remind you to keep it classy tonight?
No, because if you have to be reminded it isn't classy.
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