she would be the type to have more hair on her twat than on her head
she has to be all "alternative"
you wouldn't stop saying "oil can" in the tin man voice until I gave you back your flask
I wanted to take a shower but I forgot we made applesauce in it last night.
No kidding. I just keep looking at that 'under 21 until 11/21/2011' on my id and whispering "soon enough"
I just broke a sweat shaving my own vagina. Something has got to change.
Jus saw ur date getting a bj in the mcdonalds parking lot...u want anything?
Kriste-san. Brian-sensai going to sleepy times acturry. Kriste-grasshopper will spend fun-fun times with Brian-sensai and glorious redbox movie tomorrow yes?
Most creative movie date proposition... ever.
I don't think I will ever be as happy about anything as this man next to me on the bus eating Taco Bell.
In other news, people don't judge you when you buy a vibrator if you buy a funny birthday card and bag with it. I learned that this weekend.
he just fucked me for my cheese..
I'm going to make a stack of pancakes and fuck it. Right now.
Your penis is the destroyer of worlds.
New strategy for telling if someone is drunk: will they attempt to drink a candle if you put a straw in it?
I climbed on the arm of the futon, flapping my hand fan frantically and hissing imprecations at the smoke detector
I'm gonna make out with this 38 yr old. Mark my words. I don't even have daddy issues.
Randomize
