Every time a guy reaches down to touch my vag, i feel really sorry for all the transgender girls who still have a penis there.
That's weird cause every time i feel a girls vag i feel way worse for all the guys who reached down there and got a penis.
there is a priest convention in the hotel. i feel like god is laughing at me.
"must pass the hog line" should not only be used in curling. but also when we go out to pick up girls.
oh awks just saw the head of medical staff who I punched the bottle of wine at
the only consolation to the fact that i puked in public today was that i did it down a storm drain... so at least i am a responsible public puker
I couldn't find my shirt this morning so I stole one from his eight year old sister. Slutted up my outfit quite a bit.
Welp just pooped in a garbage can. Guess I'm not better than you at life in any aspect.
Nothing brings compassion from a group of cafe workers like walking in and asking if they have a 'hangover special'
I was walking out the front door and heard his roomate say "It looks like you need a chiropractor." I think my work here is done.
We fucked, she finished, high fived me, the pulled a celebratory pack of gushers out of her purse for each of us. I'm going to marry your sister dude.
This band has the most fuckable violin player I have ever seen.
So vagazzling was a success
I feel fine lol. I tried climbing a tree but the branch broke and I got arrested.
he walked off and puked in the sand. then he made a sand castle over it so that "it wouldn't upset the kids"
Never joke about your clitoris.
Randomize
