Good face, no body. And apparently her vagina is related to chewbaca.
remember that time that crown gas station wouldn't sell us a lighter so we had to use matches and birthday candles to smoke with a toilet paper roll? sometimes i miss high school
kerrys trying to convince everyone in the bar shes a lesbian. cheers to not being the drunkest girl in the room. i probably wont piss myself tonight.
me and this guy in my office just exchanged an "i saw you at a drag show last night" look as he passed by my desk.
We watched 'the mighty ducks' last night and took shots every time someone quacked. I woke up this morning wearing a nothing but a hockey jersey laying next to him on the floor. He was wearing a goalie mask. I really wish I knew what happened.
Just had to return the shit I stole from the dining hall, with everyone watching...apparently there ARE consequences for being drunk, coked up and belligerent.
I don't think anybody else enjoys making out with multiple guys on the same night as much as I do. I'm like a wine taster but with lips... it's like art to me. The bruise on my upper lip is proof of it
That feeling when you're ready to convert to the religion of whatever god will stop the vomit. Dynamite is illegal.
Don't act like you're not jealous that I disappeared into the closet to blow my husband. Marriage = all the cock I want.
Aaaaaaand, there's the title of my second book. "One Dick. Six Angles."
Well thank god i want six autographed copies
Three of my exes and one of my exes' brothers have hit me up and it's only been a week. I hate semester break.
Just drink your champagne out of a trophy like a fuckin winner
Are you drunk texting me again or are you just being your regular stupid self?
yes
the cop asked if i was drunk and i responded with "breathalize me, cap'n". incidentally, he was a captain and i blew a .13.
She pooped on me during a reverse cowgirl. And it wasn't a little bit either.
Randomize
