Todays outfit involves shorts with embroidered fish. This kids gonna die.
You were so drunk that you were trying to take pictures of a MILF at the park so you could send them to Adam, but you didn't want to "seem creepy," so you used taking pictures of her son as a cover. Needless to say, cops were called.
Im sitting next to shitfaced santa at the cuse game. My plan to be on television is now flawless
it's so much work when my dad takes my car to get fixed, i had to take out the bottles, condoms, and my pipe
You couldve had sex with 2 drunk chicks on an alligator slide.
yes you're required to wear a bikini its the snowpocalypse beach party
The twins are whispering in turkish together. I think I did something bad last night.
Its amazing how creative youll get when your house has been out of toilet paper for a week and a half
I like the odds of his and my children being professional athletes too. To support me in my old age, see I do think about the future.
THEY HAVE VIAGRA FLAVORED GELATO
I want Walter White to make me a bologna sandwich while I'm chained to a support
Good news, finally found someone who remembers Saturday night. Bad news, everyone in the bar saw your penis
Unless it involves a lot of whiskey, an ACDC concert, and a guy named Juan from the Philippines, then I'm not interested.
I have four things I would like to do over summer too... Problem is they're all roommates
you had her IN YOUR BED NO PANTS AND YOU GAVE HER THW BOOT?!?!?!
Stage five clinger bro. had to go.
Randomize
