Non-Jews are for practice
did i have both of my shoes on when the bouncer threw us out last night?
I just shot gunned a beer for your birthday alone because you're too hungover at midnight to get out of bed. I'm not sure which of us is the bigger loser
Saw a guy in a chef outfit covered in mustard talking jiberish into his phone running across the skywalk.
My shirt is ruined. If I ever get the idea of doing a tequila shot through my nose ever again, shoot me.
Dude, Taco Bell gave me a free fiesta potatoes when I won a bet on wether I could fit the entire rim of a cup in my mouth.
New definition for "rock bottom": Waking up in a puddle of your own puke, missing your fake tooth. Then having to dig through said puddle of puke for aforementioned fake tooth. Think it's time I quit partying so hard.
Is this your way of breaking up with me as my wingman?
Looking at an apartment in Houston. It's right beside my favorite bar and the zoo. Best or worst decision?
Found my ex-boyfriend's money stash. Call the girls, we are getting fucked up tonight, my treat.
Well, I saw an Olympian's genitals tonight, so it can't be that bad.
I bought a vibrating wall dildo with my tax return. You?
And I am bleeding like slutty girl #1 In a horror movie
Free stuff before I even put his balls in my mouth like wow great start
i asked her if she was sure that she was ready to do it and she replied with "come at me bro"
You fucked him, didn’t you?
He showed up at my house with tacos, rum and a negative Covid test. Of course I fucked him. I’m just a simple girl that likes tacos, not Margaret Thatcher!
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