I tried to pay my bar tab with my gym membership card. Twice.
So I decided to put different foods on my dick to see which would feel the best
and??
Cake is only good when you eat it
eye of the tiger was playing while i pooped... it totally helped.
We should probably avoid doing this again, but hey it was a nice one time thing to tell the grandkids about... Hopefully they don't end up being YOUR grandkids.
He took me by the hand and ordered me to make him vodka soup.. I think I like him?
You should know I just got pulled aside by TSA because they found a bottle of Bud Light in my backpack... Thanks for that...
he had me stop mid-blow job to make me use my phone to id a song on the radio..
i wasnt really sure how to responde to that.
OH DEAR GOD. He looks like if u licked him he'd taste like bourbon, sex and sunshine.
Join us. We're on the roof drinking breakfast
Grandpa just put 6 jello shots on his plate. My aunt tried to take them away; he flipped her off. Living in the retirement home has hardened him.
He also reminds me slightly of a pirate which i find strangely attractive
You opened the door to your apartment and shrieked "THE CHAIR IS GONE!" then punted a bag of votive candles
I just lectured my ex boyfriend on how to eat a girl out what has my life come to
NO ITS THAT IM A SEXUAL DEVIANT AND CANT FILTER MYSELF
Orgasms and cereal.... that's what life's about.
Randomize
