We should takd a huggy cab to snuggle bunnyville
Is it bad that your cum tickles when I swallow it?
I knew I was in the wrong bar when "I have a daughter your age" was some random's pick up line.
THEY WONT LEYT ME IN AND I REALLY NEED SOME FRUIT
You'd be proud of me. They tried to give me bread to sober up, but I told them no, im on a diet.
He is crying over the toilet and his friends just came in and tried to make him take another jello shot.
I gasped. Both pairs of lips did.
I felt like... 50% confused and 50% like a slow roasted flip flop.
Got an egg Mcmuffin combo, and put the hash brown in the sandwich. That level of hungover
Did I, at any point last night, say I was dying?
Knows all the good gay bars AND has a dog? Wtf can't I drop pizza on guys like that????
THIS IS AN AMERICAN HORROR STORY I CAN'T FIND MY VIBRATOR ANYWHERE WHICH MEANS I LOST IT WHEN I MOVED WHICH MEANS MY POOR VIBRATOR IS OUT THERE IN THE WORLD ALL ALONE RIGHT NOW WHAT AM I GOING TO DO
its times like this i wish i didnt have a penis
She won't let me meet her hot new boy toy just because she thinks it'll lead to us having a threesome. It's not fair. I thought we were friends...
Fursuit judi Dench just stared directly at me for 3 solid minutes telling me that cats arent dogs and i believe her because if i dont cat jason derulo might try to have sex with me
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