do people in england often walk their sheep on leashes? or is this guy the exception to the rule?
should we take a power nap before our cocaine gets here?
Found her in the closet eating mayo out of the jar with a knife
I hope your lack of response means you're banging, not talking about her purity ring.
He's only a freshman and he needs to expirence shit like that..
YOU would be the Freshman Expirence
i love when the champions come out to play im bringin the shock collar this weekend
Important update! My next door neighbours have a canoe. Repeat: THEY HAVE A CANOE! We are having sex in it before this summer is over.
Whatever it's Canadian jail, it's not like Guatemala or something. It'll be nice and cushy and they'll probably throw him a big bday party with all his friends and strippers
It was technically 11... But I go by McDonald's time, if they aren't servin breakfast, it's the afternoon. Therefore I can drink
all i tweeted was "emergency this is not a drill" and he immediately texted me asking if this was a subtle booty call…it was
If you end up wanting to sit on his face, just make a sound like a dying giraffe and I'll make myself scarce.
I went to bed early to get up and have a cup of coffee and watch a Sunday sunrise; and again you come home with no shirt and more stamps than my passport. Get the fuck up now, you are taking an Uber to waffle house. The order is in you name.
The dude we met that gave us weed sent me a video of his balls covering the sun like a solar eclipse
I think you know you’ve caught feelings when you’re asking a tinder boy his opinion about your current fuck buddy.
I mean, he’s listed as “Andrew DC Threesome” in my phone. THATS HOW I REMEMBER HIM! How is that not the start of a fairytale?
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