I have nothing to say, just wanted ur phone to vibrate
I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! Live in the flesh!
Nothing better then your mother meeting someone you randomly had sex with and him introducing himself as the guy who rocked her world once.
if im not pregnant im gonna be so pissed for spending the money from my weed fund on the test
wow, a mother in the making
We are gonna be 90 years old in wheelchairs at the nursing home sitting at computers poking each other and waiting for the other to die so we will have the last facebook poke.
did we decide the 'sorry about the threesome' cake was too flippant?
I just sniffled when I woke up and got a bump of coke. I have never felt so good hung over.
It's all good. Going back to my room to try and air out my balls.
I am in his childhood bedroom and I feel like his trophies are applauding me and his stuffed bunny is disgusted with me. Did you know he was a mathlete?
Found my id. It was in the cats litter box. Seriously what was last night.
He managed to crash an entire train of shopping carts into a wall. I think he noticed my implants.
I just shit my bed. Go ahead and make your 40 year old incontinence jokes now.
He literally stole all the change that was on my floor and ran away while I was peeing. I have to rethink my standards.
He told me to leave him behind and bury him in his batman pajamas. So two lessons I guess, don't give Tom whiskey and don't touch his daddy issues with a twenty nine and a half foot pole.
21st birthday weekend in Vegas has concluded and all I'm missing is my underwear and 'Contacts' icon on my phone home screen.
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