I haven't had sex in so long I'll probably find some stranger, feel guilty, go w/o sex for several months and do it all over again...always something to look forward to
I blew a .224 after sleeping for 6 hrs, cleary im a champion
morning outfit: hottub soaked skirt. no underwear. someone's bandanna worn as a shirt. took me an hour to walk home. this isn't fun anymore.
I was watching truelife I'm transgendered. This tranny already got a date a week after getting a vagina. I've had a vagina my entire life and can't get a date.
I'm starving. my midnight snack, aka a teaspoon of cum, isn't holding me over
Do you think if Santa was real that he's have a big penis?
Oh I forgot to tell you one of the little boys in my preschool class was wearing a Hooters tank top today.
He told the cop he was underage, handed the cop his ID, and the police report read "I then informed the suspect that he was not, in fact, underage"
I may have to steal the boat sober, but I feel that would be harder to explain.
I puked up my nose. THAT kind of night
I tried to take home a cat on broadway last night. I named him Pinocchio and put my purse down on the sidewalk and tried to put it inside it
Is using cherry lube as jam shameful or hilarious
I had a dream that we had an entire sofa made out of cocaine.
You know what sucks about being drunk at 4 pm? Not a god damn thing.
He may have been a dick but he DID give me his Netflix log in. Maybe some good did come of it.
Randomize
