Your mom has a birthmark right next to her nipple
sometimes i wish i could find another girl that loves my dick as much as she does
i feel like she has dreams of it being like a person saying hey lets go play
I just saw some girl with the liscense plate "OBVIII"...I never wanted to get in a car accident so badly.
i wish i could swallow nair and shit it out and it would get rid of all my ass hair.
Homeless guy on the metro is drinking beer out of a coke bottle. Hello friend.
Have you ever tried running while drinking 151?
And I was aware of my actions - that is not a penis I will say no to until I have a ring on my finger
At least now when I say "never again" the likelihood is that it won't actually happen again the next weekend...that my friend is called growth
first thing my tuition money buys is a strap on
Everyone here knows me as 'that chick who will most likely steal your girlfriend'. My 99% success rate tells me this name is acceptable.
After closing we did it on every flat surface in the bar. Best use a coaster if you're coming to happy hour today.
Pre-chapter meeting quote: "Why is there a bun literally taped to the shelf? That doesn't even make sense when you're drunk, who does that?"
WHY ARE THERE SO MANY BURPS IN MY SMALL, INCREDIBLY ATTRACTIVE BODY
Should I be scared that after we hooked up she took antibiotics with Sailor Jerry's?!
You started yelling about vegans ruining the world. Because we drove past some cows eating grass.
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