YEA!!! I'll throw you a non-baby shower.
Btw, I'm really high so I apologize if anything I say gets translated into arabic.
I woke up this morning and the first thing i saw was the harry potter tattoo on his left butt cheek.
Walked home this morning with my contacts in a shot glass.
First class.
I can't wait until weight watchers comes out with a beer
Hes warming up week old McDonalds french fries, putting hot sauce on them, and counting them with his shirt off.
Wackin it to the USA womens soccer team. My own personal way of saying job well done.
I feel like I have African malaria. I just remembered singing Teenage Dream in full to that biker couple at the bar.
Why are there hooting douchebags outside my building? Did a sport happen again?
Super awkward that I just now realized I added no verb to the first statement about super hero porn. We were watching it, not making it. Clarity.
I'm trying to get WebMD to diagnose me with a hangover
Are you good with a knife? I need someone to perform amateur surgery.
Really, who hasn't had sex on your bed?
ME.
I can no longer play with you. I puked on my feet in the shower. I'm too old for this.
God gave you your own nipples for a reason.
Randomize
