someone shit in a solo cup and left it at the base of the stairs. fuck orlando dude.
you drank 3/4s of your half gallon of vodka, made a fort out of the kitchen table, and actaually had sex in in it.
This chick just checked into her walk of shame on Foursquare... I think I'm in love.
Just found out for my occult lit class (history of cults) final project is making a spellbook. Hello last term of college.
It's great when the cashier at the liquor store asks "weren't you wearing those clothes yesterday"
Quesedillas should not make me weep and drinking water should not make me feel like god is giving me mouth to mouth. Never again.
Can I send you a picture of my penis? I feel like it looks really good right now and I need someone to share it with
My most recent midlife crisis involved eating a doughnut in 30 seconds but taking 5 minutes to do half a shot of whiskey, then deciding I wasn't going to finish it.
He pointed at me, then leaned in and said "shes the best at blow jobs" then chris fist pumped him and said "dude, I know"
He was on my bed looking at me like a sacrifice to the gods of gay sex and he's definitely a bottom. Like Jesus Christ a really, really great ass of a bottom.
Tuesday Boozeday turned into What-the-fuck-were-you-thinking Wednesday real fast.
I think if you have sex on the couch it will psychologically damage it.
And then I realized my chick friends consist only of sober you, drunk you and hungover you
He tried to brush a hair off my cheek, but turns out it was just a freakishly long chin hair. So no, we didn't bang.
when you shit yourself on the way to school its time to give up and go home
Randomize
